I am a volunteer. A man, free. I choose to give of myself, in exchange for complete freedom of my soul. I can never forget it.

Freedom isn’t free. But sacrifices make what you earn so sweet.

It’s raining again. This afternoon the storms rolled in and as I stand, legs strongly placed on the steps of my clinic, shoulders set and arms crossed, I breathe in fresh air. I feel the moisture of life, listen to the deafening roar of a storm battering against the sheet-metal roof.

The drops fall with such force that I can feel the spray and splash against my face. Cellphone service cut, backup power exhausted, the familiar hum of our immunization refrigerator missing. Silence in a roaring tempest of sound. Me, I, standing a free man living a dream.

No, freedom isn’t free it’s a choice. We choose the freedom we seek. We exchange some things for others. It’s true I’m not making money. When I’m finished with my two years here I might have made 8000 dollars, less tax. 4000 dollars a year, so little, yet it means so much.

I forsook a career of money and comfort in the US. I left my home, family, car, computer, technology, and traded it for freedom.

Freedom of spirit, of soul, of moments. I spoke with my brother just last week. A hard moment. Our family communicates always. Alex and I saw each other almost daily. Now we talk once a week. But you know what? We’re living our dreams. We didn’t wait for someone else to make it happen…we chose. We stepped up. We made it happen. When you take charge of your own future, is there any other greater freedom?

On rainy days like today, staring out at raw earth, at history that may be transient…This world might not exist in 20 years. That’s part of my work – to preserve and destroy it at the same time. On rainy days like today I’m filled with the sweet nectar, the ambrosia of the gods, freedom.

Struggles, hard times, spectacular moments. A funeral for an innocent 7 year old girl…in the same week the birth of a beautiful child. The juxtaposition of life. Some ask, what would a free man do? It’s simple, a free man chooses his future and makes his dreams real.

Isn’t it time you took a moment to find your future and make it reality?

I was riding in a bus today, seated just there in the corner seat. The smell of field, sweat, fertilizer, growth and rural life thick on me. I fit in, yet stood apart, an unusual mixture of smells, musk and scent.

I took a deep breath…there was lime, mango, chickens and goats, dark rich earth, crisp morning soaps…a hint of perfume as an older woman nestled into the seats behind me.

I glanced around the bus. Men, women, children safely strapped and wrapped in chitenge, all jostling in a uniform manner as we hurtled across the broken road. Bumps, sudden braking, gravity, momentum trapped in physics, a moment shared by so many unique individuals.

Sighing I let moment pass to moment, sensation to sensation. Life moving forward in its cruel, benevolent persistence. I looked out the window, at fields of tall grass, rows of corn and cassava. I wished for a breath of that unsullied natural air, knowing at the same instant that it would smell of fertilizer and chemicals, not earth.

Another internal sigh and I caught the eyes of a strange man. We were both looking in the mirror. Ruffled hair, stunted curls struggling for ringlets, a thick fiery-red beard, blue green eyes…well built, thick shoulders, worry lines and some hint of stress. I searched the cabin. Who is this man staring at me in the mirror?

Suddenly I knew! It was the first time in three months I’d seen myself in a mirror. What a shock. Was that me? Familiar traits, dirt worked into a beard redder than I remembered. A tan and tousled curls. My face – a man I knew from the inside, but could only recognize parts of the outside.

My mind struggled, the cogs and parts squealing with stress and excitement. Processing, updating files, making new images, marking changes and associating features. I was my reflection once again. I’d become familiar.

Imagine before mirrors, catching sight of yourself in a clear stream, trapped as narcissus by an image that couldn’t be you.

We change with age. As time passes and life grinds forward, we discover a discrepancy between who we see inside and what a chunk of metal and glass shows us. I can only imagine being 73, feeling young and alive, capitalizing on my knowledge and experience, looking in the mirror and being shocked… Who the heck is that?

I guess that’s what’s so wonderful about living life without my reflection. I feel and believe I look one and the same. Who I am, how I decide to feel, governs how I perceive myself and my abilities. No chunk of glass and metal will tell me I’m not something I know I am.

So, its time for one of those free writing exercises.

You know those ones where you sit down and decide its time to work on your thoughts, to organize yourself, and to bring your mind into focus and clarity. It’s a difficult series of moments, the flow of thoughts, images and feelings through your mind. Processing, channeling them through your experiences and moving those thoughts into actions. Giving them substance and making them tangible.

Here we go. Woooooowie! What a ride!

Today has been such a whirlwind, this way and that, here and there. I woke up today a little on edge. I’ve been on antibiotic for my spider bite and as such it’s thrown off my daily rituals a bit. Bathing three times a day, and taking my medicines, and then of course there’s those warm fuzzy side effects to taking medications that destroy the natural biotic balance inside you. Worth it? Absolutely judging by the rate of infection before I started taking them.

Soooooo cool. I read Dune last night and wrote a late night blog about the importance of letters, the hidden meaning, and why it’s a measure of respect and deference that is demonstrated by how you respond. There’s just so much to think about.

I’m at a cross roads just now. The projects I have left require materials. I’ve built a bamboo solar drier at my hut and I’ve built another at my EHT’s house. I’ve also built the frame for a third. In conjunction with those projects I’ve put together two electrified driers which utilize solar and electricity where available. Just now I’m working over the designs in my head on how to create a hybrid device. A mixture of an electrified light bulb drier and a solar drier. Built of mud brick using clear plastic and blast plastic with a cardboard or sisal material cover. We’ll see if it comes to fruition. I finally have the bamboo required. So, it’s time to get to work! As for the rest of the materials, burned/fired brick is surprisingly hard to come by in the wet season. Go figure… sun dried and then fired mud is difficult to get in a season with high humidity and daily rains. I couldn’t have expected that….Oh wait! Yup! It’s in them there calculations haha. Oh, the glories of seasonal living.

So maybe I’ll just end up biding my time until winter – dry season. But there are projects that should be done now. I just need to find the funding and transport. For 150 dollars I could build two circular 6000 liter rainwater storage tanks and the necessary gutter system. If I got more creative I could probably do it for even less – maybe $100 for a five to ten year system. It could provide 12,000 liters of clean, drinkable water.

But I’m severely limited. It’s hard to sit here during this first rainy season and not impose my will. I see people suffering from lack of clean drinking water, watch children fade and die, and the sick grow sicker from lack of clean water and diarrhea. I know the solutions, but it’s not for me to fund their projects and do the work. It must be sustainable. There must be understanding even if it comes at a high cost. Otherwise, as soon as I leave, the projects will fail and the suffering will be returned – if not 10 fold. These projects must be something they want and do or change will not occur. That’s a whole different kind of thought process, a new diplomacy, a new subterfuge. I guess that’s the really difficult part, manipulation through information and sensitization. Not in a negative sense, but in a life saving, benevolent sense. Rough man. – Slow and frustrating. And the suffering that happens in the interim as you shape awareness and bring about change is heartbreaking.

I guess that’s the hardest and best part about Peace Corps mentality. It’s such a specialized and specific track of mind. What other organization works in such a manner? What other organization understands, joins, and works within a culture, to effect change in such a positive grass roots way? Sustainable, community- led development, guided and co-facilitated by a volunteer, but not carried out by them, not imposed upon the community. A shining light of peace and good will, illustrating the future, and capacity and opportunity, without impressing imperialistic or colonial ideals, without controlling. Subtle manipulations of information and culture to bring about change from within. Like Planetologist Kynes joining the Fremen in Frank Herbert’s Dune, leading through information and subtlety – leading a people toward improved health and development. The development of struggling nations in their own way, through their own understanding and shaped interpretation.

What better way to teach than to live and understand a people by staying with their poorest and suffering, understanding their needs, and using only what’s available to them. Finding solutions that they can manage. We as volunteers are the binding clay that allows the community to build a bridge. It is us that allows for all the pieces to come to together and be bonded. To join, support, and create the foundations of the future. What a thrill and what a responsibility.

Man, that got deep quick didn’t it. Sorry ya’ll. We’ll I’m signing off on those deep thoughts and I’ll return to you soon with another update.

Knowledge is power, power is education, education is empowerment, empowerment is knowledge. Marcus Aurelius stood as a great philosopher king in his time. Today his memoirs offer us a glimpse of the man, his thoughts and his character. It’s up to you – the choice is yours seems to be the most recurrent theme in his writing. A theme I heartily agree with.

Knowledge is the key to everything. Empowerment – the act of gaining power and opportunity is simply a product of gaining knowledge.

Life is what we choose to make it. More so, it’s up to us to make life what we choose. I’ve written on this topic before, but educating and sharing knowledge often leaves me frustrated with lack of results and motivation. It’s a part of every activity I do. A group mobilization session and motivation session.

Fighting against years of donors and others using the pit of ignorance model has left me in a tough place. Where There Is No Doctor – officially my favorite field manual for health – illustrates the difference so well. Picture a man, sick, in a pit. Along comes a doctor, he throws down a handful of pills and says, “Don’t ask questions, just do what I say. Take two morning and night.” Now imagine the same situation – the doctor offers the man a hand and helps him out of the pit, saying, ” Come up here with me.” Metaphoric for the act of educating and creating long term sustainable development.

On a basic level all humans are curious. We want to know, see, feel and understand. On that same level at times we understand a quick fix without realizing the cause or source and solving that.

Prevention vs. curative right? But it’s a lot easier to take a pill than change your daily habits, even if it’s just a small one like washing your hands. It’s usually not until your children die, or even you almost die, that you decide it’s time to find out the source.

Depressing right? Like behavior change it can be a nightmare. It doesn’t mean these people want to suffer, or that they don’t care or are lazy. It means that they don’t understand. They haven’t been given the knowledge in the right way. I guess that’s a failure so far on our part.

You can’t blame the students if they fail, instead you have to step up, take responsibility, problem solve, and find the proper way to access each student and help them understand – teach them and empower them. Maybe they know the information but don’t implement it. Why is that? What’s going on? It’s time to explore the situation, look with eyes unclouded and learn how to teach.

We never stop learning, and as a function of that blessed gift, we are always growing more powerful, strong, and able. There’s a reason that every culture on the planet values elders. They’ve had more time and learned longer than we have. Even if we’ve absorbed more content there’s no substitute for that time.

After all it’s us who affect change. It’s up to us to empower ourselves; to seek knowledge and find the way forward.

It is up to us

Death. That cold patient friend who waits with us for our entire lives, and when our time has come welcomes us without so much as a grumble about the weather.

That’s a funny way to think of it isn’t it? I guess it’s part of growing up, processing and learning. I’ve been overseas for two close family deaths. It’s hard. Sometimes you feel like it’s ok. You have rational control of your mind and heart. You keep yourself busy, on track. Then suddenly, there are those times… When you are alone in the dark and you feel lost at sea. You know the fullness of life is waiting but you can’t seem to reach it. Those are the painful moments, but they’re also the moments when you remember most fondly the warm, loving memory of your times together. It’s the time where you stand up in your lifeboat, and balancing precariously, you dance and sing and celebrate the person you know and love.

I guess that’s the best part of it. Those loving memories and moments of celebration for the time you could spend together. A celebration of life, of joy, of happiness, and experiences.

Africa is beautiful. Not in that corney oh look, a lion, although yes, that is really really cool. But in that enveloping, world changing, life altering way.

That get surprised by a mud pit, fly over your handle bars, break your lamp and bruise two ribs and your thigh, but it’s ok, because as your panting on the ground, checking to make sure your not bleeding or have broken anything, you see Africa. You breathe fresh sweet air, full of life and growing things, you feel dark rich earth filled to the brink with potential. As you gather yourself up, you look at stars you never knew existed, pathways and trails written into the heavens in whites and blue starlight. You see the walkways of God, energy and etherial pathways. You turn your gaze earthward and see fireflies frolicking across tall grass lands. It’s just then that you know this is God’s place.

Bulbs of light, Will-o-wisps and magical splurts of color and sound erupt all around you. Dancing and twirling, flickering in a scintillating euphoria of nature beauty. Orange here, white there, blue reflected from the stars in the rain, slowly being drunk by this land.

Africa my friends is beautiful – its people, cultures, and the land itself. It’s intangible – it’s the sights, smells, tastes and feelings.

It’s the sounds of baby goats racing and playing kit of the rock. It’s toads and crickets singing nature’s songs and lulling you to sleep. Africa brings us back to what technology and development have stolen from us. It brings us back to nature. It’s a place of self discovery where you learn to love yourself. Where you sing and dance because you can’t hold in how wonderful it is anymore.

Africa is.

My followers know my background, but since I’m giving my thoughts on a product I figured I’d include this! My name is David N. Berger. Age 24, an ASU graduate in Global Studies.

I’m a community development and health volunteer in Eastern Sub-Saharan Africa. Specifically I’m located in remote Northern Zambia in the sub-tropic zone near Congo.

I’m assigned to a rural health clinic 56 km from the nearest town. I live in an African village. No, not that national geographic concept I know you just pictured, but a mud-brick hut, grass roof, and no potable water (I use a river some klicks away). There is no electricity. I have a small portable solar panel made by Goal Zero and my steriPEN adventurer opti carrying case which has a solar charger built into it to charge the pen. That keeps me running. Mail (letters and packages) take about a month to get to Mansa, the provincial capital. Then, it’s an 8km hike to the nearest passable road and an hour or more hitchhike in to pick it up.

My RHC – Rural Health Clinic – services a roughly rectangular catchment of 56km x 11km, with a population of 9127. It’s broken into eight zones and I have a monthly outreach cycle of bicycling up to 112km round trip in the African sun for my furthest zone. The staff is spectacular, but…, well it’s difficult. There are three of us. Nine thousand one hundred and twenty seven to three. We’re working on outreach and education to train community health workers and neighborhood health committees for our zones, but it’s slow work.

It keeps us motivated and keeps us moving hard through the area. We’re on the go all the time. There’s never safe drinking water. With the exercise and heat I drink 6 to 7 liters of water a day, and at least five of those liters are purified by my reliable, compact, and hardy SteriPEN!

I’m writing to give you an idea of how important my gear is to me and those I serve. If I’m sick, there’s no one to step up and fill the void, and base prevention – starting with safe water and hygiene – is where my good health starts.

I’ve got to admit when I first bought my SteriPEN I was hesitant. This little thing with this fragile bulb is going to survive the hard life of the African bush? I’d gone out on a limb and bought it off the suggestion of a good friend and fellow humanitarian who used one in South America and swears by it. I trusted him, and I’ve been nothing but impressed and satisfied with the product. The battery is good, has a good power retention rate, although I use it so much I find myself wishing I’d had the cash to buy an extra (I bought just one larger single battery pack). The solar case works well is sturdy and keeps the pen safe n sound when strapped to my bamboo bike rack. More so, the pen itself is hardy, intuitive and simple to use. I don’t feel nervous strapping it to my belt in the included synthetic belt carrier. You just hit one click for a liter, there’s a built in flashlight which automatically turns off, and a water sensor to ensure you aren’t wasting battery. Then there’s a comforting characteristic bright UV purple glow that let’s you know it’s working.

Let me paint you a picture. You are on a sandy, loam soil, trudging along and gulping down water in 90 degree tropical heat and what feels like 95% humidity. Your bottle runs dry.You’ve got another 35 kilometers to go and then 52 to get back to home base.

You’re hunting along and come across an unprotected surface water source. You let out a sigh of relief knowing you’ve got your steriPEN and filter tied to your bag. You grab your bottle, slide in the multi-sized filter, submerge it and fill your bottle with clear water. You slide the filter out, shake it dry, and pull out your SteriPEN. One click and you’re good to go. The indicator is blinking and you know the bottle’s naturally reflective enough to sterilize the mouth with UV. Just 90 seconds later your back on your way with clean, safe drinking water. I do that nearly every day.

It’s really a life saver! More than that it’ll purify 1 liter or .5 liter at a go. Quick, hardy – life saving.

When friends ask what my two most important tools are in my service, I say my mind and my body. Without SteriPEN I might not have either.

I’ll be here in Zambia for the next two years. It can be difficult, but every moment is worth it. I can’t begin to tell you what this experience is like…Or how wonderful and amazing the roller coaster ride is, or what it means to me and the thousands of people I serve. Thanks SteriPEN for being a part of that and supporting me!!!!!

Food dehydration and preservation are necessary to improved food security, nutrition and income generation leading to empowerment in the developing world.

Using a variety of development resources including appropriate technology to utilize available resources in solar thermal energy, smoking food, and electricity – this project – to produce heat and accelerate drying.

Understanding the principle behind food dehydration facilitates this development process. In any simple food dehydrator the principle remains static. A fuel source is used to generate heat, which creates a thermodynamic system. This artificially created air transfer works to remove moisture from food and act to preserve it – slowing the decay and defilement of the food by microorganisms.

A low-placed air inlet allows for the entry of cool air into the system, a heat source raises the temperature of the gas, exciting it and causing it to rise, as it passes over the food, moisture is drawn into the warm air, that air then escapes at a controlled rate for a raised chimney/vent.

With that understanding a variety of drying devices can be constructed – solar tent driers, cabinet driers, box driers, sulphur driers, smokers (slightly different) etc.

In my community, we’re in a sub tropical climate. Meaning greatest food availability is during the highest humidity and rainfall seasons. This creates issues with implementing solar driers.

Noting this issue, I discovered that my community has some resources we might be able to use. Solar panels linked to deep cycle 12v batteries (what’s in your car) and put through an inverter. But there are precious few in my community that have this resource – including my clinic and basic school.

In response to these limited resources, I took the principle and adapted it to my area. Using only locally available materials I constructed a light bulb drier. I afterwards priced these materials in my nearest town (56km) – those prices are reflected in the list.

Material list:
1 100w bulb – clear 2000kwa
1 light fixture (from my clinic)
1 2M length of electrical cord 2.5mm or larger (clinic)
1 plug end – these three bought together 18000kwa
1 roll of aluminum foil (5m)- local shop 14300kwa
1 piece of wire mesh 3000kwa
1 3m piece of bamboo – split 1000kwa
1 cardboard box – clinic drug kit delivery box – free
1m of tying wire (made by un-weaving one row of wire mesh) – free

Starting with the box, I cut s tight-fitting hole for the light fixture, then three 2x2cm square ventilation holes on the bottom left of the box. And 1-2x2cm chimney hole in the top right flaps. This orientation facilitated the passage of air across the box.

I then lined the inside of the box with aluminum foil, as well as the box flaps. This acts as an insulator and reflective surface – it is preferable but not necessary if you use mud brick, wood or another material to make your box.

Then using the wire, I lashed the bamboo into a tray. I had cut it into four short legs, and two long and two short pieces to fit inside the box. This is your drying shelf/tray

I then added my shelf to the box, inserted a light bulb into the socket and adjusted and tray height to prevent burning/issues with the proximity of the light bulb.

I plugged in the system to test placement and heat generation. The system ran a little hot so I added a second air chimney. This cooled the system.

I then added two sliced and peeled apples, two peeled and wedge-separated oranges, and a cut up fresh lemon. I closed the box, plugged in the system and checked back every 2 hours. The apples took 8 hours to completely dry, the oranges 10 and the unpeeled cut lemon 12. I then ate my handiwork – it was fantastic.

For a total of 26860kwa or on a rate of 5100kwa to 1 USD – $ 5.26

Some other considerations. Other materials can be used for your drying box, as well as other bulbs at lower wattages. Mudbrick – a natural insulator, wood, plastic (Jerry cans) metal, clay, even cement can be used. Although these will change drying times etc.

Remember all that needs to be preserved is the airflow dynamic and heat.

Oh, also, bananas, mangos, mushrooms etc can be dried using some basic techniques – peel, cut etc to allow proper dehydration. Lemon juice also helps to maintain hygiene.

Mwapoleni mukwai bonse! Mwacibuka shani? Ishina lyandi nine David Kapya, ndi kaipeela mu peace corps. Ndi kafundisha Pafya ubumi uusuma, imilile iisuma, na ukucingilila abalwele. Ndafwilisha abantu mu Mishi pa ubuyantanshi.

Whew that’s a mouth full isn’t it? That’s my basic one breath introduction speech. It’s how I start every meeting. I welcome my peers, ask them how they’ve woken, then introduce myself, my job, and then we talk about why I’m there.

Today I heard a very interesting retort from a young man as I talked about gender roles, women’s rights and women in development. As I was touching on talking points about empowering women and men equally to empower a community, one of the group members said, “But isn’t this feminism? Why should we teach women to abandon their duties and hate men?”

1. He asked in English so I was shocked. 2. How do you roll out an answer to such a loaded, ignorant question in a respectful attitude-changing way?

Well, I took an internal step back, grabbed a mental breath of air, processed and then fired back, “Feminism isn’t about hating men or abandoning an equal share of household labor. Feminism is about respect. Showing respect for women as equals, not children or lessers. It’s about a woman learning to love herself and feel comfortable in her skin….not about abandoning her responsibilities or duties in the family structure.” The conversation continued and I hope I made some impact. We talked about labor division and we talked about stereotypical roles and how they affected and colored our thoughts. I touched back again and again on that question and spoke to how those attitudes needed to be changed.

I tossed in a few jokes – asking the married participants what made a happy home. The older ones knew. A happy wife made a happy home. It was a lively and fun-filled exercise.

But back to the epiphany that led to this blog. What is empowerment? Self confidence and maturity isn’t about rebellion, hate, anger, or bullying. It’s not about abandoning culture and responsibilities. Empowerment and confidence is about learning to love yourself for who you are. It’s about learning to take care of yourself, look after your responsibilities and work within a unit to accomplish an equal share. Whether that unit be a family, business, team, or village, it’s often a difficult and arduous process. One that takes deep introspection, thousands of mistakes, handfuls of amazing successes, and time.

You can’t just walk up to someone, and say, “Gosh, you’re a beautiful fantastic person. I hope you value yourself, because ….” That’s not how empowerment works. That’s not how people work. It takes time, followup, personal experience and an individual willingness to recognize and affect a change. That’s a lot of factors that have to be in sync and there are so many more as well. It’s no wonder that we talk about behavior change in terms of years, decades and even generations. When I think about my work, I have feel-good immediate projects, building a solar drier or protecting a well, and I have the meaty super meaningful but totally intangible projects. They’re intangible because 1) it’s a very slow process and 2) how do you quantify the effect on family structure from gender empowerment workshops? You know it’s changing but, it could take 5-10 or even 20 years for there to be lasting change. Rough.

Or because the topics aren’t generally socially acceptable. You can’t walk up to a 16 year-old mother and demand that she tell her husband to use a condom. It won’t happen. Nor can you ask her blatantly about how often they have sex and if their relationship has changed after your seminars. I know you understand what I’m talking about. I’m sure some of you felt uncomfortable just reading that passage. I did writing it, but those are conversations I have at my clinic everyday. It’s a struggle to remain culturally and politically correct while expressing the importance of behaviors and inculcating empowering beliefs through casual conversations. It’s a trip.

But the biggest impact I can have, and the one I value most, is imparting this ideal about loving yourself in youth, the disadvantaged, and women. It’s about looking out for your own best interests while remaining a productive healthy member of your society. About learning that your body, mind, heart, and soul are beautiful, and that you deserve respect and to be given the same opportunities as anyone else. That’s my end-day goal, and for empowerment, that’s my end-service goal.

I’d like to leave you with a powerful Camp GLOW (Girls Leading Our World) song. Often a group of young women will join hands in a circle and chant together, “We are women. We are strong. We help each other carry on.” It’s powerfully moving.

I’ve also seen it used to help instill positive behaviors through role-play. One of the girls acts as a sugar-daddy or other negative influence (maybe peer pressure to have sex/drugs) and selects girls from the circle one by one offering them this or that in exchange for sexual favors etc. etc. The girl pushes them away and starts the chant to be joined by the rest of the circle. They all form up and chant it again before they repeat the process with each girl in the circle for each influence. It’s a lot of repetition but it stays with you. And that’s the point. They are women. They are strong and confident and love themselves. They help and respect each other to carry on. To survive and to grow.

I’ll leave you with that:

“We are women. We are strong.
We help each other carry on.”
Camp GLOW 2011

You know there are several questions Zambians ask when they meet you in the bush. This is gonna sound bad, but I’m serious. Who are you (meaning what’s your name, where do you stay, and what do you do); You’re a foreigner (which literally translates as white meaning will you buy me something); and What church do you go to? Mulipeepa kwi?

Now the prejudice and social conditioning that all whites are rich and can give aid aside, that last question comes up a lot. Accompanied by, do you believe in God, why don’t I see you at church, and are you Christian.

Zambia, my friends, is a Christian nation. On that note, it’s a good impetus to delve deep into my subconscious, and in light of the recent loss of a very dear loved one, it’s a damned good time to be thinking of God.

So, what is God to me? Who is this power? What does it mean, and more, what happens when we die? It should be noted just here that as a health worker in the hyper-rural areas of sub-Saharan Africa, I fight like hell to keep people alive everyday and almost on a daily basis in this season I have to watch them die despite our every effort. That situation fuels a lot of thought toward God, death, and existence. If I couldn’t process it I’d go crazy or break down and be unable to function. That wouldn’t help anyone now would it?

So. Let’s get a-thinking! In the Bible, God is everything, it’s everywhere, she’s in all things, he’s a part of every moment. Isn’t that right? Whether vengeful, genocidal, loving, forgiving, or understanding. This God, my God, is energy. God is all things and nothing.

Rock this concept a bit on your front porch. Energy can neither be created nor destroyed. It can only change form. Like a beam of light, God is a living representation of the energy of the universe. Energy (God) is in all things. Our life force is what? Energy. At a basic level our soul, that thing that drives us and keeps us living, is energy. That cannot be created or destroyed. It can only change form.

When we die, that is exactly what happens. Our energy, our soul, leaves our body, is changed, and dispersed among all of creation. That rock, that fly, those fireflies playing in a field in the pitch black of the African night, for no other audience than the stars … That’s God.

When we die, we go to join God. But remember that God is all things, and all things are God. What does that mean? It means heaven – the kingdom of God, the place we go to be with her, is all things. It’s the entire universe, every tiny atom, and every huge system. That, my friends is God. That is heaven. That is where we all go.

Science is a way of understanding the world around us. Faith is a way of understanding those things we can’t explain…yet. God is love and a synchronisity with all things. Put forth positive energy, visualize positive results, and the universe will reward you 10 fold. Ask and ye shall receive, give and ye shall be given. Give energy and receive it in return. Live, die, but never be apart from those you love. Instead literally become a part of them, and every other thing in the universe.

I know my loved ones are with me always. They are in everything I do and everything I see and touch.

I love you Ed, Marie, Phyllis, Dave, Dale, and Lynn. You’re with me always. Every life I save, every person I help, I know that it’s a part of you helping me, acting through me for them.

God is inside of us, part of everything. It’s not some church, or a figure, or suffering and torture. It isn’t martyrdom. God is that voice and energy inside us that guides us and leads us to the future. We are God and God is us. In harmony.

God bless, but as God is inside each of us, it isn’t for that power to make overt actions. It’s for us to act. It’s for us to bless. It’s for us to sacrifice and demonstrate what we know is right. It isn’t for some alien and foreign power. But for us, as conduits of God, to do. It’s our choice to listen, heed that force and act. As Marcus Aurelius said – It’s up to us.

So when I’m asked that very serious question, do you know what I say? I say, “I pray in here, inside of me.” God is a part of who I am. God is that voice which tells me right from wrong. I pray anywhere I am. I pray through my actions and activities, not through empty words in a cold forsaken building – although God is there as well. I recognize the God inside of me. Others recognize the force in community, meditation, etc. So be it. Our understanding of God is extremely personal – I mean come on – we are made up of God and each of us is totally different. Isn’t that what makes God beautiful? My God isn’t your God – but at the same time – it is.

Cool huh?